11 Things Nobody Ever Told Me About Being A Mom

John 16:21 – “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into this world.”

We’re celebrating a very special little girl today at our house.  Well, she’s not so little anymore… My sweet baby girl, Marley, is 11 years old today!  In honor of my amazingly fantastic, incredibly brilliant, and hilariously funny daughter (she might be reading this…), I wanted to share some of my infinite wisdom on Motherhood.

#1 – When my mom spanked me and said, “This will hurt me more than it hurts you,” she wasn’t kidding.

#2 – I get to make a lot more cakes, but I no longer get to lick the batter out of the bowl.

#3 – Snot, boogers, blood, poop, and other bodily fluids became my newest fashion accessory.  The surprising part is, it didn’t bother me.

#4 – I have always loved children, but when another child hurts my child’s feelings, I suddenly get hot throughout my entire body and threaten that little bully’s life as if they committed 18 different kinds of murder.

#5 – I start making weird faces and noises more often….even find myself doing things that would have normally been too embarrassing to do before.

#6 – I begin to make statements a sane person would never say in public.  “Get your finger out of there!”  “I told you not to pull that out in public!”  “What is that smell?  Did something die in your pants?”

#7 – On those days when I’m running a bit late, I will always end up behind the kid in carpool who has a snack for the entire class + a science project + a massive bookbag + lunchbox and he is nowhere near ready to go when his mom pulls up to the front of the school.  Never fails.

#8 – Truth: “Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” – Anonymous

#9 – Cooties are real.  And “circle, circle, dot, dot” is NOT a real cootie shot.

#10 – My own mother turned into a weird alien-like grandma-thing when my daughter was born.  She allows Marley to do things I was never allowed to do as a kid.  Oh, and the spanking thing?  Yea, grandmas don’t spank…even though she whipped my behind when I was little.

#11 – Finally, I never knew it was truly possible to love and be loved unconditionally until I became a mom. In her eyes, I can do no wrong, and in my eyes, she is an angel sent from heaven to make me want to be a better person.  And all that other stuff…so worth it.  😉

So, a big fat HAPPY BIRTHDAY goes out to my sweet Marley Moo!  She’s super cool.  And she’s got moves like you’ve never seen….check it:

(I mean, does it get much cuter than that?  She was all of about 4 years old, dressed as an angel in a Christmas play.  Love this kid.)

What would you add to the list?